The twisted turn

This week has been a really eventful week. One that I was not expecting. I have been waiting for my period for several months now, which happens with me. But this time when I started it was a little different. On monday we had what I thought was a huge mass that came out with all this blood. I didn't think anything else, like maybe that was a miscarriage. No those things dont enter my mind. I just cant think that way. So we took it to the lab to find out. Well I continued to feel very crapy and luckily we had an appointment with the infertility doctor on wednesday. We have been very excited to see this new infertility specialist up at the university and we have been waiting to see him for some time now. But when we went the visit took a turn I never thought would happen. He came in and introduced himself with the news that the pregnancy test came back positive. Wow, what a suprise. So I continue to tell him what had happend earlier and he comfirmed that I had a miscarriage. I found out then that I have a twisted mind. I was sooo excited that I was crying. Something went right and my body actually can work when it wants to. Well, its more like a miracle. So this week I have been recovering and I am slowly getting back on my feet. But I cant help but wonder why it ended up in a miscarriage. Mike and I went to saint george the weekend before. We stayed at the entrada inn and our room had a jetted tub. Every night I had to take my hot bath. I also got a massage and sat in the hot tub while I was there. Could that have been the problem? I also had my pap smear last thursday and he felt something and started poking around without taking a pregnancy test. Could that have been the problem? Did the lord give me my miracle that I have been waiting for for over 3 1/2 years and I messed it up. I look back and a couple of weeks ago I found a pregnancy test in my drawer. I dont like to see those laying around so I used it, so I could get rid of it. Well, it acted kind of weird. The first pink line came up but as the urine approached the second line it washed the first away. I did think anything of it because my mind is set. That test will never say I am pregnant. Its not possible. Why read into it, it will only hurt you in the end.

After all that I still thank the lord for the christmas gift.